So many questions.....

I didn't actually write this series of questions and I only wrote the answers in purple, but I find the thoughs of my close friends and roommates hilarious. You see, last night we had a "gift-exchange" at our house that was actually an excuse to get drunk on a weeknight. 15 girls fighting over gifts, followed closely by a bottle of Jager we found. Enjoy.

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Why did Reed ride 3 miles to hang out with us for an hour and then pass out on the couch only to annoy me with his snoring all night? Because he thinks our hotness will rub off on him. Or maybe that we will be so drunk he may actually get lucky. NO CLUE.... and then make me even more late because I have to drive him home... which is in the opposite direction of my office!!! The better question is why doesn't he at least have hot friends to bring?

Why did Nicole crash on the couch and why does she sleep with her hands sticking straight up in the air as if she was going "whoo-hoo"? The couch is a much more comfortable to sleep on when you are wearing all of your clothes. I am a very happy sleeper, and I was very excited to not be in public anymore. Because that was drunk Nicole and even asleep she is very excited to be here!!! Drunk Nicole is an alter-ego, and she does not leave until the alcohol dissipates.

Why did I mix antibiotics and wine and decide screaming at everyone in a bar was a good idea? We are alcoholics. It is in our nature. You can try to fight it, but you will fail. b/c for anyone else medicine and alcohol make a fun combo, but it turns you into Evil.... we should have gotten you high.. then we could have played with cupcake... I haven't seen her since Ben Harper... haha. For the same reason I mixed Zoloft and alcohol and passed out at 11--to see what would happen.

Why did Nicole decide walking home and getting a ride from a stranger was a good idea? I was too drunk to be in public. The girl was hot, I thought I might get lucky. I was wrong, but it did save me a few minutes and my feet a lot of pain. b/c drunk Nicole needed to remove herself from the public and then the public followed her and offered her a ride b/c she is that cool! Because Nicole now lives with me, and apparently the Houdini disease has been passed to her.

How did Reed get home this morning? Jess took him home. I tried to hide so he wouldn't ask me. I was an hour late to work already. see answer to question 1 I believe Jess took him home.


Where is my vibrator and wallet from the exchange? I stole it. Joe did not answer my drunk calls last night so I had to take mattters into my own hands. When I got home the packaging was on the table but there wsa no vibrator.... MACIE? I have been known to sleepwalk....
Why was it out of the package this morning? It would be hard to use if it was still in the package. Macie? Nicole? Please see answer above.
Did Reed use it? He tried, but I got to it first. hahaha... no it was out of the package when we got home from Jacks Dear God, I hope not.
Why didn't Macie come out with us when she doesn't have to be at work until 10am? She passed out early. She must have been broken. b/c she planned to steal your vibrator! I made a drunk dial call to a friend and never left the comfort of my bed. I did take the time to pull the first nightgown out of my drawer I found instead of PJs and woke up looking like one of the desperate housewives.

Why did I have the bad fortune this morning of running into Max in the courtyard while my face was all red with allergies, holding my bra in one hand, and an empty vibrator package in the other? I hear the it is a hot look nowadays. Sometimes I try to pull it off myself, but I can't. hahahah... that's just funny! I wish I had been there for that....

WHY on a Thursday so I can feel like shit for the next 8 hours?!! It is a test of human strength. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. Soon, we will be super-people. Our power will be to be able to outdrink anyone and still look hot the next day (hot is very subjective) b/c is sounded like a good idea. That is the Jager's fault...I'm telling you all that sugar makes for a shitty day the next day...

I have some questions....

Why do I feel the need to use my phone after copious amounts of alcohol? I have never understood this phenomenon...never have I thought it a good idea to call or text when I am drunk...I am not nearly that talented to dial or spell when drunk. You better defer to Jess on this one. She's a major offender. Because drunk dialing is just fun.

Why do I call the same person more than once and leave messages like "There's this girl here. She has boobs....kinda like mine. And she has an ass....kinda like mine. And she really wants to fuck the shit out of you. But you're not here, so I guess she'll just have to think about you while she takes care of herself." I hope your dad knows you were drunk and you apologized to him this morning for leaving such a message. Because drunk Nicole took over, and Joe made the mistake of mentioning how he likes your drunk dials.

Why do I go out to a bar only to walk home in 15 minutes? We told you we were going to a strip club and when you found out we were at a lame bar, you bolted to see if you could pick up some random ass on the street. Because your party-like-a-rockstar ego is out of shape.

Why did some random girl offer to give me a ride? She was not random. You flagged her down by flashing her and rubbed her boobs for a ride home. Thatta girl! She probably thought you had connections to Santa.

Why did I wear my Santa hat out? Because your elf hat did not match. Holiday Drunk Nicole?

Why can't I use my superpower to make it to work on time? You can but since you've probably already used it 5 times, it doesn't work anymore. And for that matter, why don't I look hot? Alcohol only makes you look hot while you're drunk...while sober...it's less likely. Because the superpower doesn't mix with alcohol??And for that matter, why don't I look hot? Totally different superpower.

Why can I remember seeing music, but not remember anything else about being at the bar? That was a dream. Everyone was naked too and my boobs were huge but you failed to mention that part. Because you were focused on getting home.

Why did they let me into a bar? You gave the bouncer a lap dance and we told him there was more where that came from if they let us all in for free. Sometimes bouncers get bored & like to be entertained.

Who lets me leave the house? All of us. We "drunk girls" must stick together. The better the chance that you will do something embarrassing so my behavior looks normal. It wasn't me!