Hurricane Euromullet

While walking to the mall for lunch today, I noticed a fellow I see almost every day, presumably who works at the Jeanery. This fellow has a mullet. Earlier this year at an Anberlin concert, I noticed a strange phenomenon on the radar: the reappearance of the mullet. 3 of the 5 band members were rocking this evil trend. A coworker who went to Europe this summer informed me that the mullet has actually taken some of the other, more fashionable, nations by storm.

I don't mind the occasional "extra hair" squall, but don't break my achey breaky heart. I don't want to see the mullet hit the US Doppler. I rather hope that this short outbreak of mullet-fever reaches only the coast for a hot second and then disappears. Now, I know it rains a lot in the southern states, and the mullet is forecasted to be pretty heavy at any and all NASCAR related events and a few dive bars across the nation. However, it should, by no means hit anywhere near Los Angeles or New York City for fear of creating a national disaster zone of unnecessary hair.

Precautions that can be taken:

Keep scissors handy at all times.

Any friend who insists on attempting the euromullet should be drugged and immediately taken to a nearby stylist.

Next time you've got the rainy day blues, opt for highlights.

If you are in a position of influence, start a new trend that doesn't remind me of seeing Wal-Mart shirts with "3"s and "24"s blasted across the front and holes in the armpits.

And if you happen to hear of Hurricane Euromullet coming nearby, board your windows and doors and don't leave until it's all over.

Scissors, money, and fashion magazines as dontations for the "Hurricane Euromullet" prevention program can be sent to the Red Cross. I can assure you 95% of these donations will be used for administration.